"and don't think about the past...

a little water came, now we floatin' on everything"
I never would have thought I would find meaning in a song by Birdman and or Lil Wayne. Undoubtedly, they are both very talented individuals (LW especially), but most of their songs deal with sex, money, cars, and drugs. Which is alright to listen to, and have great beats, but not words to live life by.
Anyway, yesterday I was feeling pretty bummed at work, thinking about the past. The day before I found one of the cards from my senior thesis exhibition, and was reminded that I graduated college six years ago. Yesterday I was thinking about my job. I have been doing what is essentially the same job for that long plus a few years.
Where I am at now is ok, and I am making decent money, but I definitely didn't need a college education to get myself there. This made me think about past jobs, and I feel fortunate and sad to feel that since my first job in the industry, they have all gone downhill. Sure I have made friends and I do basically like what I do, but my first boss was the one who really taught me everything I know. He is the only person who has really made me want to come to work and do a better job than I did the day before. He really made me care, and I felt like I was really part of something there.
And while I do care about every job I have had since, I just don't feel as personally invested and engaged as I did there. While I am liked at all my jobs, I don't think of myself as irreplaceable. Yeah, people would miss me, but there would be someone else could do the job. But there I felt like I was a vital part of the machinery, and if I were to leave, things would suffer.
Unfortunately, that job ended when the business went into banruptcy and it was bought by someone else. It opened again under the same name, with many of the same people, but things weren't the same there. I did end up quitting there after a year, but now looking back, I wish I had stayed there and talked about the problems I had with the people who could solve them. I feel like I ran away from something. I wish I hadn't done that.
Anyway, to two guys - Shazad Khan and Mike Daley - thanks. You taught me all I need to know about the industry and all there is to being a good and hard worker. I really miss you guys.
I feel like life is pretty good now, but at the same time I do think about the past occasionally and feel like I am sinking.